


Your heart is beating fast.

by 5sosaf



Category: Clean Bandit (Band), Years & Years (Band)
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Awkward Conversations, Cute, EXTREMELY CANON, First Kisses, Fluff, General Awkwardness, Getting Together, Kisses, M/M, awkward touches, first I love yous, fluffyyyyy, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-22 22:45:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4853438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5sosaf/pseuds/5sosaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on getting together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your heart is beating fast.

**Author's Note:**

> i rly hope u like this WOW!!

Okay, so Neil had pretty much begged for this to happen.

He  _knows_ Years and Years, he  _knows_ Olly even if Olly doesn't exactly know him. The thing is, Neil's had this crush on Olly ever since he watched him on Skins with Grace on a Friday night. After, he pretty much forced her to sit down and watch some other things with him in; and he was, to put it lightly, completely obsessed. Not in a creepy way, but in the way where he'd definitely go out of his way to say hello to him in the street – or take him to bed.

One day, Grace perked up from her phone; looking at something with a wide grin – immediately starting to hit Neil on the chest.

\--

"What?!" He answers, almost grumpily. They've been on a flight for a few hours now; and Neil is easily agitated when he's sleepy. It's not exactly fun. But, suppose it's always nicer when there's wifi on the plane. 

"Isn't this the guy from Skins you're always yapping on about?" She giggles, showing him the screen. And indeed, it's Olly – there are a lot, a lot of hands touching him and Neil is extremely jealous. But he's confused, because Olly is looking  **directly** into the camera and that's something that doesn't normally happen in films. He hasn't even realised he's smiling, and he quirks an eyebrow at the blonde girl and almost giggles – the first time in hours since they left for their flight to Russia, really. "He's a musician, listen.." She states, fixing one of the earphones out of her ear and handing it over to Neil. 

He's so pleasantly surprised, he was almost nervous – nervous that he wouldn't like Ollys voice and his little crush would disappear somehow; but no. He really likes it, and he takes note of King and decides he should listen to it later.

\--

And now, here he is, his band mates have  **confirmed** that Years  & Years will be joining them on tour and he can't contain his smiles. Grace keeps laughing, making little jokes about how Neil's going to be jacking off every night for the next few months and how he's gonna end up fucking up his hand before every gig and be unable to play the violin. It's all laughs at first, but then Grace is looking at him and she looks slightly serious. "Seriously Neil, this is a big tour just don't – don't like – just –" she's struggling with what to say, doesn't know how to say it without seeming rude. "Hold off, until the end at least? Can't have any broken hearts and emotional song writing whilst on the road. Way too depressing." Neil nods, and he can't deny he's slightly disappointed. He's mostly upset because it's a good point – he can't fuck up the tour for them. That would be selfish and unnecessary. 

\--

So now, they're waiting to meet their support band. They have to sign contracts and whatnot, then they're on their way to their first destination. Neil is completely on edge. He's checked that his hair is as perfect as possible about fifty times, and he spent extra care with shaving that morning to assure he looked better. Chose his best outfit too, and Grace has noticed his effort; the guys have too – and there are little comments about Neil's smile that's overly evident that everyone chuckles at. 

They're halfway through a conversation about politics when a man storms in, clipboard in hand and discussing a synth that might not fit on the bus; theres another guy in glasses discussing it in detail with him – looking slightly panicked at the thought. Then, Olly walks in. He has light brown hair; a small smile on his face – he's nervous; Neil can tell that, but Neil is extremely nervous too. So nervous, that he can't even look at Olly anymore; his head immediately darting to Grace as he furrows his eyebrows – almost like he's asking for help.

But, Grace isn't exactly good with words either – she immediately flaps her arms about at Olly; catching his attention and ushering him over. "Hey! I'm Grace, meet Neil!" She immediately states, before rushing off to the area where the rest of her band is; loud giggles escaping her lips. And so, Neil looks up – and Olly is staring back at him and he actually thinks he might pass out. "I like your song!" Olly almost shouts, and things go silent for a moment as a small red tint appears on the smaller boys face. "Rather Be? A lot of people like that.." Neil says, a small chuckle escaping his lips. "No, I uh – A+E? I like your.." Olly begins, his eyes are darting away from Neil's now as he starts to mumble out the second half of the sentence. "I like your solo in it, it's nice, very aesthetically pleasing; makes me feel fancy." He giggles, and Neil is giggling too and they're kind of in some weird fits of giggles – but neither of them are complaining. 

"I've got some of your EPs, I had to illegally download some of your songs – sorry – but I'll happily pay you 99p for each one in person?" Neil says, there's a jokey tone in his voice and since the small giggles; he's calmed down significantly; Olly appears to have too. He's stopped fidgeting with his hands, and he's smiling wide up at Neil – and Neil very literally just wants to ask him out and get married and have two kids and a dog then and there – but he has to wait. Well, for the last part a significant amount of time; but the asking out only in a few months. 

\--

The first night of the tour, is very notable in Neil and Olly's story. They've been getting on dandy, general chats and a few text messages here and there – they've managed to befriend one another quite nicely so quickly. But there's still a small awkwardness there; for some reason one of Ollys bandmates keeps looking at Olly and wiggling his eyebrows whenever he's around Neil. But then again, the same thing is happening to Neil from all his bandmates; so he cant say a lot. But they're all in their dressing rooms, and Olly's got changed into a pair of tracksuit trousers and a shirt that's definitely a few sizes too big – and Neil can't take his eyes off him. Honestly, Olly could wear anything and Neil would still think he looks amazing.

Neil follows Olly and his bandmates out the door, which causes Olly to grin extremely wide. "You joining the band now?" He asks, fluttering his eyelashes teasingly. "Ha, no. I want to watch my favourite band perform live – heard the singer dances really well." That was a key fact that Grace had told him, apparently Mikey had told her that he was expecting Olly to be dancing extra provocatively tonight. But, after Neil says that; Olly shuts up – a red tone on his face again as he makes his way to the stage. 

Olly's nearing to the end of his set, and Neil is in complete awe. When Grace told him that Olly dances – he was expecting a little bit of swaying – maybe a few bops here and there. But no. He was certainly not expecting slut drops, the way Olly's hips moved sent Neil into complete awe – he was so grateful that his bandmates didn't join him in watching because he knows they'd all be taking the piss out of his slightly agape mouth, his intense stare and his wiggling to avoid getting turned on. But it's hard, it's really hard when Olly's moving like he does because all Neil wants to do is feel Olly do that; but on his lap of course.

When the band is walking off stage, Neil is still in his slight headspace of complete awe at the view of Olly – and he hears a few sniggers from the band mates as they notice Neil's face. Olly walks straight to Neil, he's panting and he's sweating a little – but there's a few giggles escaping his lips as he watches Neil for a moment. They're both speechless for those few moments; just staring at each other and somehow Neil's breathing has conformed to match Olly's heavy pace. 

"Was I shit?" Olly says, his voice is low – he's looking up towards the taller boy; his eyelashes fluttering as he gulps a little. Suddenly Neil can't hear the people talking outside, it's very cliche but it really does feel like nobody else is around them. "No, God no Olls – you were fucking incredible." Neil states, and he's not smiling, smirking or anything. He's just staring at Olly intensely, and it's quite intimidating in some ways; but neither of them can tell that – just feel very intense with a feeling of lust. Neil's turned on, he knows he is and he thinks Olly might be a little bit too. "I'm gonna watch you every night now, promise." Neil states, now he's cracking a small smile – but Olly doesn't return it. Simply nods. 

\--

They've been touring together for a week now, and Grace was extremely correct; Neil has definitely been jacking off more times than he should be. He's completely and utterly obsessed with Olly at this point. It's hard for him to hold a conversation with anyone without bringing Olly up; and whenever Olly walks into a room his entire face lights up. The thing is, it's not at all subtle. Everyone can tell, from their crew to Olly himself – it's awful. Neil knows that everyone knows but he doesn't even  _care_ at this point. Holding back is hard when your want is so visible to everyone and most clearly to yourself. 

"I'm hungry," Olly whines, they have ages until their gig that evening and sometimes you do tend to get sick of tour food – the options are very limited and it feels like they've been living on pizza for the last year with the amount they've eaten. "I'm gonna order pizza," Jack states loudly, followed by Neil and Olly's immediate whine of a 'no'. They turn to look at each other then, laughing a little at their almost a  _moment_ as Neil would put it. "Well, maybe  **you two** should go and get something to eat out then. You've got a little while, and I can't be fucked to move." Jack replies, and everyone goes silent – all eyes are on Neil as if he's about to ask Olly on a date in front of everyone. "Yeah, alright!" Olly giggles, and he's standing up and walking over to Neil – there are short laughs coming from Grace's direction and Neil is just pretending he can't hear them. "If that's alright with you?" Olly continues, and he's reaching out his hand and Neil just has to take it. He'd be a fool not to anyway. But once he's up he doesn't know what to do with his hand, it's intwined with Olly's and neither of them have made the effort to move them out of the way yet. Everyone is staring at them, absolutely everyone but Neil loves it. "Alright, let's go."

Neil's not exactly sure if this is a date. His hand hasn't left Olly's since they left the bus, and he's not planning on letting it go. He's not even speaking, it's silent and it's so  _awkward_ because they both know this isn't a friendly thing anymore. "Do you like me?" Olly suddenly comes out with, and Neil's immediately blushing – gripping onto Olly's hand a little tighter which results in a small giggle from the smaller boy. "Of course I like you, you're my friend." He replies, biting his lip hard and looking at Olly. They've paused their steps and Olly's giggling more. "No, I mean like, do you  _like_ me? Fuck sake, this feels like primary school. I mean, do you like looking at me and like, being with me? Like, do you fancy me a little? Because Emre keeps telling me that you do and I don't want to do anything you're uncomfortable with." He continues, and he's rambling and Neil can't help the wide smile emerging onto his face. "He isn't lying, I definitely – yeah – fancy you. A bit." Neil's started to walk again, he can't bare to look at Olly as he's afraid of his reaction. But Olly's still gripping onto his hand, and Neil's heart is thumping. "I fancy you, a lot." Olly continues, and Neil can't believe the amount of giggles that have escaped his lips. "Grace told me that I can't make a move on you until the end of the tour, incase of drama." Neil chuckles, and Olly nods – squeezing Olly's hand tighter. "Emre told me that too! Mikey said I should just go for it – but Emre was telling me what a terrible idea it was because 'the bands just making it' and whatnot!" 

Their afternoon was rather pleasant, they went to a cafe for lunch – nothing fancy and of course Neil payed. They sat next to each other, not opposite and Neil has his arm around Olly. They've hung out, hugged and stuff before – but this is definitely more intimate. Definitely a date. They've covered that it's a date, but they're not to tell the others that it's a date. Their little secret. 

"What do I do if I want to kiss you?" Neil says, tilting his head towards Olly and letting a wide smile appear on his lips. "Then you kiss me?" Olly replies, he's tilting his head teasingly and Neil can't help but chuckle – hitting his arm extremely playfully. "No, silly. In front of everyone!" Neil replies, chuckling loudly and wrapping his arm tighter around Olly. "Then, pat my back and say you want to get a drink, it'll work." He replies, resting his head on Neil's shoulder. And everything feels very frankly, completely lovely. "We should get going," Neil sighs, but he makes no effort to get Olly further away; instead he pulls him closer, a small chuckle escaping his lips. "Your heart is beating fast, I can feel it against your neck." Olly says, his voice is calm – there's some random acoustic song neither one of them has heard before playing in the background. It's all very calm, lovely and relaxing and Neil wishes they could stay there forever. But they can't. Their gig starts in a couple of hours, there's bound to be fans nearby. They really should get back soon – and so they begin their walk back.

They don't let go of each other's hands the entire way back, even walk in holding hands – nobody says anything. But there are a few wriggled eyebrows.

Olly puts on a bloody amazing show that night, but Neil curses at the fact that it was this time that his  _entire band_ have decided today's the day that they'll go to watch them. Now him and Olly have put a label on things; even if it's secret – Neil just wants to touch him and hold him. Even if they're just dating, so far. Neil has almost got used to Olly's dancing now, but his thoughts still run wild when he sees Olly crouch on the ground – hovering up and down almost like he's begging for Neil to think dirty. 

He's quick to go off stage, automatically running to Neil. It's become a bit of a tradition now, all of that a week they've been together on tour. But Neil has been wanting to kiss Olly since the afternoon, so he instantly grabs Olly's hand – dragging him away as quick as he can – and Olly knows, he's gripping onto his hand harder than ever. Neil doesn't even look where they've gone – a random room but he pretty much slams the door back as quick as he can. "I really, really want a drink." Neil breaths out, pressing Olly against the wall and gulping a little. Olly simply nods, wrapping his arms around Neil's neck and perching up on the tip of his toes to become eye level with the taller man. Neil is super quick to attach his lips to Olly's, and it's surprisingly slow. It's special, and Neil's hands are running up and down Olly's bare stomach under his shirt. Their lips are moving fast, desperately even and Neil keeps letting out random whimpers at Olly's touches – his hands are pulling on the hairs at the back of Neil's neck – and he loves it. But it has to end eventually.

When they pull away, they're in a slight daze; their breathing is unsteady and it kind of reminds Neil of the first night he saw Olly perform; everything is similar really. They're still in their own personal bubble; staring at eachother and both of them unsure with what to say regarding the situation. But Olly's the first to speak; muttering out a simple – "fuck," his mouth is agape and he can't take his eyes off Neil. Neil's hands are still touching Olly's bare stomach; he gulps and moves his hand away – biting down on his bottom lip – and then kisses Olly as gently as possible. "I enjoyed that," he chuckles, rubbing Olly's stomach gently. He moves away, walking over to the door and smiling. 

Neil's got a whole new energy on stage that night; and it doesn't go unnoticed. He makes sure to go for it extra hard during A+E; as he remembers Olly commenting on his solo in the song. He doesn't care about the audience at this point; doesn't care if they think he's crap – he just wants Olly to think he's good. 

\--

People are aware that Olly and Neil are getting closer; saying that – they haven't kissed since then. It's been about a week. Neil misses it, doesn't know if it's awkward or what. Things don't feel awkward in the slightest – they even cuddle sometimes when they're alone. But still, no kisses.

Neil's just finished another show, has to wake up early the next morning for an interview with Grace – but he's not tired in the slightest. Olly isn't either, so they both decide to go for a walk. They're in a place neither of them have ever been to before; and it's late so the only place open are bars – but Neil decides a hangover isn't the best way to go about an interview tomorrow. They're holding hands, it's not new for them anymore; it's a reflex thing if anything – grabbing onto each others hand whenever they have a moment alone. They're walking in a park – there are a few lights here and there. 

They check the grass is dry, before taking a seat down on the floor – Neil pulls Olly onto his lap a little; mostly into his arms rather than his lap. Olly's resting his head on Neil's chest; and Neil's got a tight grip around him. "Your hearts beating fast, still." Olly giggles, it's something that he comments on each time he feels Neil's pulse; and Neil just smiles and always replies the same thing. A simple – "thank you."

They play some music through shared earphones; it's quite cheesy really – but it's also lovely. "I think I know what your songs are about," Neil comments, and Olly's head perks up – he almost looks worried. "yeah?" Neil simply nods, tracing his fingertips up and down Olly's arm. "Is it bad I'm kind of glad? I'm not glad you were hurt, but if you hadn't been then you might have not written the songs or joined us on tour. Everything happens for a reason, maybe?" Neil comments, and Olly's smile is beaming – there's a bright light on them, they've purposefully sat under a light to see what they're doing a little better. "You look pretty, you're like, shining." Neil continues, a small chuckle escaping his lips as he cups Olly's cheek – admiring him a little. "I'm gonna write a song about you one day," Olly says softly, he's almost whispering and Neil lets out a satirical giggle. "That's not good! All your songs are about shitty people, I'm trying not to be a shitty person!" He chuckles, stroking Olly's cheek a little. That's when Olly leans up, presses his lips to Neil's as delicately as he can – for the first time in a week.

"It'll be the first happy one, and it'll be about how you think I'm shining." He mumbles against Neil's lips – although they're barely touching from the perminant smiles on both of their lips. "You're like a star," Neil replies, leaving small pecks all over Olly's jaw; and Olly chuckles. "It's you, I never used to be this happy. I don't wanna put this kind of pressure on you – but yeah. You make me happy, you make me shine or whatever." He smiles, and Neil returns his lips to Ollys – giving him the most delicate kiss he can, nodding a little. "God, you make my heart beat faster than it ever has before; and all you're doing is talking." Neil replies, and Olly simply smiles – returning a few kisses.

Once back at the hotel; Neil decides he's very literally fallen for Olly. Probably, wait no – definitely too early to call it love. But he needs to talk about this; of course the only person he can really talk to about anything is Grace; but this would mean telling her that her him and Olly had kissed which could, maybe, result in a tiny disagreement. But he really does need to talk to someone about this; get his feelings out somehow – so he's knocking on Grace's door. 

"Where have you been? We've been looking everywhere for you – fucking hell Neil you look like you've seen an angel or something. Are you pregnant with the next baby Jesus?" Neil doesn't respond, just walks in with the widest smile possible and flops down on her bed. "I've kissed Olly, twice, first time last week – sorry." He mumbles out, burying his head deep into the pillow. Grace giggles, walking over and slapping the mans bum playfully – rolling her eyes as she tries to turn him around to face her. "Gutted, I owe Tina a fiver; I said you'd wait but she said you wouldn't!" She says casually, and Neil pouts out his bottom lip; groaning softly. "I'm not  _that_ predictable! It's just – Olly's really fit, and nice, and I like him." He states, sitting up a little and making sure to look at Grace eye to eye – so she knows he's serious. "Please, just; try to not take it too seriously yet, please? It's just so complicated – you know with me and Jack.." And Neil's nodding, trying to make a noise that resembles a 'mhm' just to shut her up. Talking about Jack upsets her, it's obvious – and Grace being upset is the last thing he wants. 

\--

Neil got asked a question in the interview, and he really didn't know how to answer it.

"Is either one of your hearts on fire?" He laughs at first, wordplay on one of his songs that – surprisingly hadn't been done yet. Grace stays quiet, looks at him as she shakes her head and keeps giggling – because he knows he should answer this differently. It's confusing, he can't flat out say yes. So he sticks to nervous stuttering, his head down looking at his lap and a lot of giggling. 

When they're out of the interview, Grace turns to him again. "You're falling for him, aren't you?" Her eyebrows are raised; a wide smile on her lips. "Like, falling in love. I can see it, he's different to your other boyfriends." She continues, chuckling a little. "I don't know if I'd go that far, but yeah.." Neil replies, pausing his steps to continue this conversation. She seems serious. "Neil, I was thinking and like – I just think if you're getting this involved you really should wait. Like, I'm not comfortable knowing that this could fuck up the tour for us." She sighs, flicking a strand of hair behind her head. "It's not just me, it's pretty much the entire band – Jack especially." She mumbles the last part, and Neil scoffs because he's almost  _sure_ she doesn't completely agree, just wants Jack brownie points. But somewhere, he knows it's the truth.

When they get back to the tour bus, Olly immediately goes up to Neil – cuddling him hard and Neil's heart defeats him and he allows to wrap his arms around him. Grace sends him a concerned look, Emre's sat next to her smiling. It's confusing. "Can we go to the beds, please, Olly?" He whispers a little into the smaller boys ear, and Neil almost feels bad; Olly seems enthusiastic, thinks he's gonna get kissed or something but Neil's about to almost break up with him? It's not like they're doing anything wrong. It's complicated. 

"I really enjoyed last night," Olly giggles, his legs swinging on the ends of the bed. Neil feels awful, just stands looking at him and doesn't say anything; sends him a nervous smile. "We need to talk, Olls." He sighs, sitting down next to the boy – and Olly whines a little - a smile on his face. "What? You're not breaking up with me before we're even together, are you?" He says, giggling a little. Neil chuckles, avoiding eye contact and biting his bottom lip. Ollys smile completely fades, his voice going softer and there's definitely no giggles. "Shit, you're breaking up with me before we're even together. I – I don't – why?" He gulps, trying his best to keep his stare on Neil – who's obviously avoiding it. "Grace she – she said we shouldn't and she has a point Olly. You're prone to having your heartbroken and I don't want that." And with that, Olly stands up – his eyes blown wide.

"You  _told_  Grace? Neil we fucking agreed to keep this between us! Do you know how many times Emre asked what was going on and I said you were a fucking 'cuddle buddy' – like – five times Neil! I had to lie to one of my  _best friends_ and I did it because that was our fucking agreement!" He says, his voice is raised and Neil can hear the conversation in the room just behind a curtain die down. He doesn't want to fight, but he at least wants to justify himself. "I'm sorry," – he begins, but Olly doesn't let him finish.

"No, Neil, what the fuck? I know Grace is almost thirty but she's not your fucking Mother! You're allowed to fuck, kiss, cuddle whoever the fuck you like and I can't believe you're being so small minded right now!" He's looking down at Neil, who's still sat and actually looking into Olly's eyes this time. They both look like they're about to cry. "Olly I–" he starts again, but once again – Olly whines and Neil shuts up. "Shut the  **fuck** up Neil, do you not remember what you said to me last night? How I make your heart beat faster than anyone and – fucking hell – I believed you! How many boys have you said that to, how many Neil?" Neil keeps quiet, he knows it's nobody else but there's no point trying. Olly's taking control, it's Olly who's the most hurt, Olly who wasn't asking for this. And following Neil's silence, Olly storms out – he can hear him walk off the bus. Emre pops his head round the corner – clenching his jaw hard; "when I find out what's going on, fucking hell you better pray that Olly begs me not to fuck up your face." 

It's been hours since the ordeal, and he can literally hear his bandmates talking about him. He hasn't left the bed area, at all. Hasn't even eaten lunch; he's been crying – quite frankly. They're on stage in fifteen minutes, Neil's still in the sweatpants he changed into after the interview – and Grace tilts her head in the door. "Neil I'm so, so sorry.." She says, and Neil scoffs, standing up and walking straight past her. "I don't want to fucking hear it Grace, fuck off, what me and Olly had was  _great_ and you had no right to get involved." His face is wet from crying, and his breathing is unsteady and he can feel that lump in his throat  **again**. She just stares, eyebrows furrowed and offering her hand out. Neil takes it, shakily and blinks hard. "I am, I'm really sorry and you're right. I really had no right and if anyone's fucked up this tour it's  **me** for not letting you do what you want." Neil wants to tell her it's not true – but if he speaks he'll cry. 

Olly watches their performance still, even though Neil didn't watch theirs. Neil keeps darting his face to Olly, his jaw clenched and his body going slightly weaker. He feels weak, for definite. His performance is weaker, but nobodies going to comment on it. He doesn't dance with anyone, just stands there and does his violining – and when he's done, he just storms off stage and heads back into the bus. Walking straight past Olly. 

The next morning is hard, and Neil doesn't want to face everyone – but he needs the toilet and something to eat. He hasn't eaten since dinner the night before last; and he feels horrifically ill. He walks out into the area, where he can see Emre and Mikey standing; prancing around and fiddling with their phones. "What the fuck have you done, Neil?" Emre asks, storming over to him and gripping onto his shirt. "I don't, what?" He replies, he's slightly confused and a little bit scared; and wants to back away. "Olly didn't come back last night, fuck knows where he is Neil. He's –" Emre begins, looking over to Mikey as if he's asking for permission for something. Mikey nods, and Emre sighs; his voice softening. "Ollys got like, really bad anxiety, Neil. He'll have panic attacks and run off when he overthinks and – I don't know what happened with you guys but I  **know** when it's about a boy and I  **know** you were his boy, at the moment." And Neil gets panicked, forgetting about food once again and rushing around to find some shoes. "No, I have to go look for him what the  **fuck.** " He begins, and Emre's already pushing him away, shaking his head. "You've done enough, stay here whilst me and Mikey go." He states, and Neil nods; afraid of upsetting them more.

Olly comes back that afternoon, Emre and Mikey practically dragging him in. Emre looks at Neil, his jaw clenched as he practically throws Olly to him. "You two, go out for lunch or something and sort this out. And  **don't let him run off.** " He says, keeping the door open. Olly and Neil walk out, and they're not holding hands; there's nothing but an awkward atmosphere. 

"Grace apologised," Neil states after their lunch; and Olly rolls his eyes – shaking his head. "Oh, so you got Grace's permission to kiss me now? Yay!" He says, his voice is bland and extremely sarcastic. "I told her to fuck off, if it helps." He chuckles, and Olly actually smiles genuinely now – crossing his arms as they walk across a park. "I'm sorry," Neil says, and Olly shakes his head. "Don't, I should have expected it. I should learn. I don't think I'm ever gonna learn." He bites his lip looking down at the ground. "You deserve better," Neil begins, and Olly stops him again. It's becoming a habit, but Neil lets him. "No, don't give me that. You lied to me and stomped all over my heart; you don't get to say what I deserve." 

"I do, Olly. You deserve someone to hold you and tell you how pretty you are when you feel like you're not. You deserve to have someone kiss you in front of everyone, someone to show you off. You deserve someone who's not going to listen to his friends and put you first and –" Olly's already storming off, groaning loud and Neil has to catch up with him. He's more afraid of Emre than anything else right now; rushing after him. They end up chasing each other for a while, but Olly trips up over a branch and ends up falling flat on a pavement. When Neil gets to him, he's crying hard – hands clenching over his knee. "Olly, are you alright?" Neil says, instantly crouching down to get eye level. Olly looks frantic, his eyes are wide and his breathing is so fast. "Olly, calm down – you just fell over – it's okay..." Neil says, picking up his wrists delicately to see how badly he was hurt. A scratch, it's bleeding a little; he'll need a plaster but it's not bad. "See, it's only a little blood.." He continues, and Olly shuts his eyes tight; loud whimpers escaping his lips. "Olly.." Neil begins, and it's finally ticking to him.

Olly's having a panic attack. 

"Neil, I'm bleeding so bad – I'm going to fucking  _die"_ he says, his palms are sweaty but he's reaching out to the man. Neil pulls him closer, places him on his lap and holding him close. "Olly, Olly it's okay. You're not going to die, you're okay." Neil repeats, but Olly isn't reacting. All Neil can hear are sobs and loud his heavy breathing. Neil moves one hand to Olly's head, stroking his fingers through his hair as he pushes his head softly to bury into his neck. "I'm here, Olly. Right here, promise I'm not going anywhere. I mean that ever now, okay? Not going to leave you." He keeps on, moving his last hand to Olly's back – stroking up and down his spine gently. "Breath, princess. Deep breaths, you can do it; alright? Just deep breaths, like this.." Neil says, and starts to breath extremely slowly; until Olly's breath catches up with his own. 

Olly doesn't move from Neil's grip, even when he's stopped crying; keeps clinging to the boy. "Neil.." He asks, tilting his head up. His face is red, blotchy and his cheeks are wet. "Yeah?" Neil gives a comforting smile; tilting his head gently. Olly doesn't say anything, just presses his lips to Neil's softly – still clinging onto him for dear life. Neil of course kisses back, if not even more enthusiastically than Olly. They pull away after a while, small chuckles escaping their lips. "I wanna carry you back, like this." and Olly giggles, clinging onto Neil harder and letting Neil lift them up. Neil has his grip on Olly's legs – and he can't stop his smile from widening. When they get back to the bus, they immediately go to the bedroom – passing both set of bandmates as they go. Nobody says anything, you could cut the tension with a knife but Olly and Neil don't care. Neil places Olly on the bed delicately; hovering over him.

"Is this going where I'm assuming it is," Olly begins, there's already a small blush appearing on his face; he's keeping his voice a whisper. Neil simply nods, pressing his lips to Olly's as quick as he can. Olly wraps his legs around Neil's frame; already letting out small whimpers. Neil is quick to get Olly's shirt off, takes his own off too and begins to leave kisses down the boys neck – sucking on spots hard but not hard enough to leave a mark just yet. He moves his lips down – focussing on Olly's nipple as beginning to nibble on the bud softly. "Neil," Olly whimpers, his voice still quiet as the others are just one door across. Neil fixes his hand into Olly's sweatpants, tracing his fingers over his cock through his boxers. "Wanted this since the first night you performed, I mean it," Neil states, he can feel Olly getting harder by his touch – continues to palm him extremely slowly. "The way you were dancing Olly, you were fucking torturing me." Olly whines, his arms are still around Neil's neck and he looks up at Neil. "Wanted you too, so fucking bad." Olly whispers, and Neil moves his hand to the inside of Olly's boxers – wrapping his fingers around the smaller boys cock gently.

"Don't want you to be quiet for me, I want everyone to hear how good I'm making you feel." Neil whispers huskily into Olly's ear – nibbling his ear lobe softly. He starts to flick his wrist harder, rolls a little pre cum that Olly's released across the tip of his cock; and Olly's not holding back his moans. His backs arching off the bed, loud whines escaping his lips. "I want to make you cum, just like this; want to let everyone know how good I'm making you feel." He keeps whispering huskily, his wrist is flicking harder than before – almost aching but he won't stop. And all too quickly, Olly spills over his hand. There is a lot running down Neil's wrist. "Good boy," Neil huskily breaths out; looking down at a panting Olly beneath him. 

Olly instantly brings his mouth to Neils fingers —  overlapping his pink lips onto the longer digits delicately —  his mouth moving up and down in such a slow motion Neil considers this torture. Olly is quick to scrape down the bed, instantly wrapping his smaller hand on Neil's waistband. This is when Neil discoveres that Olly doesn't like to waste time when it comes to sex —  it happens so fast. Olly is wrapping his tongue over the top of Neil's cock; his whines turning into soft pants as he looks up at the taller man — his eyes wide. Slowly, he wraps his lips around the hard length, making sure to keep them tight as he began to bop his head. It doesn't take Neil long to cum — and he's not quiet either. Olly notes this. 

\---

Olly and Neil have been back to normal now for the last few weeks of tour —  everyone's pretty acceptant — surprisingly, even Emre. It's the last night of tour now — and they have a choice. What's going to happen after this? Was it a tour thing — or a life time thing? 

The small boy has been sleeping in Neil's bunk ever since the night they hooked up, Neil has slept significantly better around the boy — enjoyed having him cuddled up against his chest. Olly feels the same, enjoys listening to Neil's heart beat increase rapidly to the most simple of things like Olly kissing his chest. Olly enjoys sleeping in Neil's clothes too, a newfound habit of theirs shared really. 

Theyre cuddled up in their bed, they've performing their last show tomorrow night and then they're going straight home. Lucky, that their last shows in London really. But it's four AM, everyone else is asleep and Olly taps on Neil's chest gently; Neil replies a groggy groan, rubbing his eyes and muttering a small — "what is it, Baby?" 

"What's going to happen, after tomorrow?" Olly asks, worry taking over his face. What if this was a one off thing for Neil? Olly couldn't tell. 

"We go back home, Olly.."

"No, me and you. What's going to happen?" He asks, and he's looking away; can't bare to look at Neil anyway right now. 

"I'm taking you on a date and asking you to be my boyfriend on Tuesday I think, why?" he replies; a smug smile on his lips as Olly looks at him. 

Olly grins wide; a dark blush on either one of his cheeks. "Oh, just wondering.." he almost squeals, his smile never fading as Neil pulls him back into his chest. 

He has lovely dreams that night. 

\--

Everyones outside the venue now, cabs are all around the place to help the bands find a valid way home. 

"I guess this is when we say goodbye, then?" Olly says, englufing Neil in a very tight hug and giggling a little to himself. "Baby, I'm gonna text you tomorrow where I wanna meet.. Don't be silly!" he replies, instantly picking the lighter boy up and leaving a kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Olly simply nods. Climbing in his taxi. 

It's not that simple though. 

3AM now, Olly's been struggling to sleep without the feeling of Neil's grip on him. He's scrolling restlessly on his phone — until he gets a text. 

\--

From: Neil

To: Olly

i know this is rly rly stupid but im finding it rly hard to sleep and uhh I've tried cuddling my pillow but srsly nothing it working i miss u

From: Olly

To: Neil

omg no same i haven't slept at all :( 

From: Neil

To: Olly 

send me ur address pls babyboy i need 2 see u

Olly doesn't waste a second in replying his exact flat number and everything; he's told Neil to just text him when he's there because he doesn't want to wake Mikey. It doesn't take long, 45 minutes at least but Olly gets a text simply saying: "here". 

"It smells like cat," Neil says; turning his nose up as he sniffles around the place. "No complaints, cats are cool too." he continues, giggling softly to himself as he admires the surroundings. Ollys place is anything a hipster musician would dream of; Neil would put it. It feels homely, and like you could give a good party there. 

Neil picks up Olly shortly after, and Olly wraps his arms and legs around the mans body. They've known each other months now, are definitely past the stage of dating but neither of them will admit that. Neil wants to ask Olly properly; even though they've been dating for months. Neil carries him through to the bedroom; placing him on the bed extremely gently. "Neil?" Olly whines, pulling the man down next to him; he's tired — very tired and now all he needs to get to sleep is right there. "Yeah?" the man replies, running his fingertips along Olly's back relaxingly – his fingers feel gentle against the smaller boys back. Olly feels safe in Neil's arms, safer than anyone else has made him feel and maybe it's because he feels more as if Neil means it. Or at least, it means more to Neil.

"Goodnight, almost boyfriend." Olly giggles, snuggling closer to the bigger man and smiling to himself. Neil doesn't reply, just kisses Olly's head and waits for him to fall asleep.

The next morning is pretty funny, Neil walks out to get some water – he sleeps with his mouth open so his throat was exceptionally dry. He bumps into Mikey outside, neither men say anything; just kinda stare at each other as Neil looks around for the cups. Soon enough, the man can hear a snigger – coming from the bearded man and he tilts his head. "You guys couldn't even wait a night, huh? I've heard of clingy couples but –" And Neil's officially picked up Olly's trait on interrupting, when he doesn't want someone to continue. 

"We're not a couple! Not yet, I'm um – asking Olly today actually." Neil mumbles, looking down onto the floor – avoiding all eye contact with Olly's bandmate as possible. Mikey simply chuckles, standing up and starting to walk to his room. "He's happy, Neil. Don't fuck it up." 

The boys date went very well; Neil didn't want to do anything fancy. They just walked around London, stopping off in some parks to sit down and have an ice cream. They haven't let go of each other's hand yet – it's content and sweet and Neil wants to remember this date forever. Soon enough, Neil shows him the little boats you can hire – Neil did a little rowing at uni which meant he was able to transport them both a little – letting Olly sit there and relax. Olly comments on his arms a few times, how they flex in the sun and how strong they look. But soon enough, Neil's put the paddles down – letting the boat flow as he lays down – resting Olly over him. "This is romantic," Olly states, smiling as he starts to trace his fingers over Neil's bone structure on his face. Neil's arms wrap around Olly's back, tracing patterns yet again. "Be my boyfriend? Actual boyfriend?" Neil quickly states – and Olly pauses his finger movements and smiles down at Neil – nodding a little. "I'd love to be your actual boyfriend," and slowly, he presses his lips to his now boyfriends – finding it hard to kiss due to the smiling coming from both boys. 

\--

They've been dating for a few months now; and the distance can be hard but they work it out. Olly constantly sends Neil little snippets of poems; sometimes audios of him singing to help Neil get to sleep. It's all very romantic and loving. But one day; Neil gets a text – linked is a MP3 file – and a small text from Olly.

From: Olly

To: Neil

hi baby, i've been working on this for a while n i rly rly hope u like it!! i wish i could show u in person but writing an album n i know u miss ur family. i hope to see you soon xxxx

ps - think of the park at night on tour!!

So, Neil opens the file – and clicks play. It's very  _Years & Years _ as Neil would put it – the perfect beat that makes you want to dance – then the lyrics start. Neil knows exactly what's going on in that moment, memories come flooding back to him as he remembers Olly saying he's gonna write him a song – remembers their night. Neil telling Olly how he'd never felt like this for anyone – how it had all started so quickly but Neil's so sure that he fell in love with Olly so quickly. Lust, at beginning for sure – but the way Olly felt wasn't a crush. Neil knew it. 

As soon as the song has finished playing; Neil's out the door. He's staying at his parents house for a while, catching up with his parents and grandparents whilst Olly works on his album. But the song touched him so much; he needs to see Olly. Needs to tell him he loves him – for the first time. He gets a cab, he has cash so he isn't worried in the slightest about money – but he's restless at the thought of the car journey; he wants to see Olly now. He can't wait. He knows where Olly's recording, recommended the studio to the band as it's where Clean Bandit recorded their debut as well. 

When he pulls up, he throws the taxi money the cash completely rounded up; mumbles to him a thank you and telling him to not worry about any change. But he storms out of the car – pretty much running into the studio and his heart skips a beat as he can hear the intro to  _that_ song,  _Neil's_ song. He runs in the direction, and before Olly can open his mouth to sing – Neil has run in – kissing his boyfriend hard as he breaths a little heavy from the running. "I love you –" Neil whines; and the backing to the song is still in the background. Neil feels like he's in a movie or something, that's what the whole thing has felt like. Just a film – shouldn't feel real. "I love you, you don't have to say it back but I have to say it to you. I love you, I love you, I'm **in love** with you." He keeps repeating. Olly giggles, smiling as he cups Neil's face – making eye contact. Olly's hand is on Neil's chest – and he bites his lip – giggling. _  
_

"Your heart is beating fast, still. And I have loved you since I felt the first one, I love you too." 


End file.
